I wanted to share a story I haven’t told anyone before – and there’s a big connection to creating influence.
It starts off sad but there’s a happy ending I promise
I was a week away from my 10th birthday when my dad suddenly died.
I found out when I came back home from school.
The house was already filled with mourning family members.
I saw my mom sobbing in a corner of the room.
As I cut across the crowded room of crying people, I could feel all eyes on me.
They were waiting to see how I’d react.
Even at that age – or perhaps especially at that age – I knew when I was the center of attention.
There was just one problem.
I couldn’t feel anything.
I was a child in shock.
But in those few seconds, cutting across that room, I panicked as I felt the weight of expectations on me.
They were expecting me to cry.
So I started acting.
I pretended to cry.
And it worked.
Everyone gave way as I went in to hug my mom.
I scrunched up my face and made crying noises.
I felt relieved inside as I didn’t want anyone to think I didn’t feel sad or worse – that I wasn’t “normal”.
That was the day I learned two very important life lessons:
- Acting wasn’t about putting on a show to entertain.
It was about showing people the reality they need to see. - If I can read the room, I can adapt how I behave to get what I want.
10-year-old Nausheen didn’t want anyone calling her “the weirdo who couldn’t cry at her dad’s deathbed”.
So she performed the role that was required of her.
She couldn’t yet figure out that being able to perform on demand could be a secret superpower.
This is how “performing” is linked to building influence:
If you can lean into playing a specific role, you can control how people perceive you.
The secret is to NOT fake it. (People can tell if you’re faking it).
The secret is to learn to channel a part of you and amplify it.
Want to be perceived as being an expert?
Learn to express how passionate and confident you are through your voice.
Want to be perceived as being a guide and a friend?
Learn to express friendliness through smiling and use open gestures.
If you’re intentional about how you’re showing up, you’re always the one in control.
